A return ...

Perhaps. Maybe a swan song. Maybe a moment. Not sure what exactly lies behind the motivation of this posting, but I just feel as though I need to write. I assume that if you've made it this far, you know me in some capacity and are willing to patronize my musings. If not, I'd suggest that you leave. This posting may come off as pretentious or "emo" or something much more misconstrued. For the rest of you, I trust that you know my character and have faith in me to come on this journey ... if so, welcome.

Why start a blog entry now? On a perfectly temperate and innocuous Sunday evening? I think that it might be because I feel like I'm in a weird place right now. A fuzzy plane of existence. Let's call it "limbo", for frame of reference. Conceptually it's similar, but limbo is such a different place for everyone. Just as life and the reciprocal of life is. Not death ... un-life? Anyway, my limbo is a funny place. One that's oft-visited and not necessarily a confusing nor solemn milieu. That's not to say it doesn't have those qualities from time-to-time, but not now. Right now is limbo vis-a-vis life.

(Maybe I should also forewarn y'all that I'm going to talk about myself and my thoughts from this point forward. If you're an individual who is particularly appalled by that kind of stuff or view it as "self-centered", then I advise you to take off as well. Shoo.)

Sorry for the digression. Anyway, I feel right now is some sort of weird crossroads for myself. In the recent past, I was living in the present and enjoying the moment. And, while that might seem like the most spontaneous and exciting way to live life, it can really be quite the opposite. When you live for the moment in a certain way, you actually disregard every other component in your life because one is so fabulous and consuming. Heck, sometimes it that aspect can even be abysmal or disappointing. Either way, it is consuming. It is living for the moment ... but the actual moment isn't your entire day. There's still sleep ... work ... laundry ... finances ... et al. Your moments are moments and that's great. And mine were fantastic and befitting the life I was inclined to lead at the time.

However, they're still just moments. And when you're caught up in the moment in this sense, the moments overshadow the complacent or dissatisfying parts of your life. You know, those other components that make up EVERY moment of your 24 hours. It's usually worth it, but then you fail to invest any time or effort on improving the other parts of your life. It can be worth it, and, luckily, my moments were time well spent. Well spent with friends and loved ones. Well spent in great places, with people I reveled in. But, when that moment ends (some don't, though, a moment doesn't inevitably end), what are you left with? Are you left with a flaccid shell of a life you once had? Are you left with nothing at all? It's truly something to consider. Don't let the moment capture you, hold you prisoner, then leave you chained to a dungeon wall when your captor forgets.

(I should also say that this isn't directed at any person. In fact, it's not truly what I'm going through, it's just something I thought of. Something I found shuddering and hopefully thought-provoking.)

The moral? Don't let the moment make you forget that you probably have a tremendous amount of work to do on the other parts of your life. While you are enthralled with your moment, you may be apathetic about everything else that is happening; whether it be with work or family or whatever else comprises your existence. I don't think that's the romantic view of "living for the moment" we all imagine and write on our notebooks or find on our coffee mugs and refrigerator magnets. But, unfortunately, I think those are the moments for which we often unwittingly live.

Yup, still going. That sure fit the bill for a conclusion, but I'm still feeling the itch to write.

Back to limbo ... Lately I've been drawn to some odd figures and, who I think are, voices of reason. A lot more iconoclastic than others, even close friends, might expect. Those who have uprooted conventions like Bill Hicks, Lenny Bruce, Johnny Rotten, Ambrose Bierce, and the like. It's funny, because that might seem contrary to my personality or tastes. I realize I'm one for brands, trends, and generally just being jolly. I'm not tormented or brooding. Hell, I'm a marketer. I've never heard of an anarchist marketer. At least not in the sense I'm describing.

It's weird. I guess I feel like I'm being enlightened in a way. Like I have something esoteric to discover, understand, and "get" when others might not. And not in an intellectually superior way. It's not about brainpower, it's about brain renovation. Wire the dynamite, implode the infrastructure of your mind and rebuild it with doors that weren't there before. Also, forget about a ceiling. Even a glass one. Just build up. Create stories. Both kinds.

So, I'm torn between two dissimilar "worlds". Or, at least, two polar outlooks. Do I plan for the future or do I live for the moment? Not a moment, but the moment that changes my life. Not the one that stops me from changing it. They're equally both tempting. One is smart, the other is exciting.

I have so much more to examine, but I think this is a logical place to stop. At least a merciful one for everyone involved. The premise: I'm torn. Let's hope I figure it out before I'm torn in two.